i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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