I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
