So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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