What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I party with great urgency now.
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