my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Randomize
