My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
