Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
the liver wants what the liver wants
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
