is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
