I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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