The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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