i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
