you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
And the cops told us we were all naked.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
