you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
