kristin has been a bad kristin
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
