I just pynch a tree in the face
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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