You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
