i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
