Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i wish my penis had a tongue
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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