We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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