So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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