you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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