Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
