Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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