He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
