I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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