He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
