4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Randomize
