i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize