woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
