Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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