it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
