it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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