He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
