Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
