when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
