Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
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