You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
