I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
