omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
