I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Randomize