You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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