No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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