her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
