i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize