She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
