boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
