I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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