I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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