he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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