Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
