Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
