did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize