I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
