THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
