I look better un-naked...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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