even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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