So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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