Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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