Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We just shotgunned beers for America
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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