I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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