I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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