3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
