Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
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