id be glad to
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i was born a porn star she said
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
