I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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